If you knew me growing up, or even until the past couple of years to be honest, you’d know that I
am was a very…. stubborn person. Plans were plans and change was never an option but I was learning to adapt. Change caused me anxiety, caused my mood to flip in the snap of a finger and honestly frightened the living hell out of me.
Graduating high school and not knowing where or what you want to do for the next year, let alone for the rest of your life, is not uncommon and I can honestly say I fell right into that category. I didn’t have a sweet clue what I was passionate about at the age of 17 but because we’re “expected” to know I figured I would give it a shot. I enjoyed learning, I really did but at the time I wasn’t ready to commit to a four-year program to obtain a degree in something I wasn’t even sure I wanted to for the rest of my life.
As I watched my friends pack up and move to other parts of the province I stayed back, attempting to make “things” work but I wasn’t happy and that was a known fact. I felt stuck, secluded and alone throughout those years in the valley but at the same time there was a sense of comfort that I enjoyed. I knew deep down that I needed to let go and allow myself to step outside that circle which is why that summer after graduating college I booked a one way ticket to Paris. I was finally going to give up control and even though I was afraid, I was at the point where the life I was living was slowly killing me and things needed to change.
I needed a fresh start.
I liked language so I took French, than I realized I was good with my finances so I went into Finance, and finally found my love for nutrition and was able to not only get a diploma but also the chance to heal my own life. Still nothing that I was doing felt like a career, or anything that I would want to pursue long-term. There was of course one thing that I knew I was passionate about and that my friends is what I like to call,
Whether it be taking a walk, exploring a city, taking a hike or flying across the world; I knew that was where I was going to find answers. Little did I realize that they wouldn’t be answered as easy as I had hoped. A year ago when I returned home from Paris and I found myself with too many options and not enough answers, I knew that there was at least one thing I could continue to do until I did indeed discover my next step. I thought maybe Costa Rica was the answer, then Detroit and finally Australia; I mean, could I have gone any further away? Traveling was something that solved my problems and gave me hope for a short time; I guess you could say it was like a band-aid. Eventually it’s effects wore off and I found myself back to square one without a clue in the world where to go or what to do next.
I may have had to fly to the other side of the world in order to finally find what I was missing but I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I’ve gone to school not once, not twice but now 4 times in hopes to find what my niche and who knows if it’s even what I will end up pursuing but that’s OKAY. I’ve learnt to live life without regrets and look back on my past as memories that have shaped the woman I am today.
I still don’t have all the answers, but that’s part of the fun now, isn’t it? Learning to let life happen.